Two days left in this town

On Friday my dad's coming all the way here to pick me up along with some stuff. Tomorrow I'm going to have to lock myself into my room and pack clothes and anything else I will need or want right away. Then I'll just pack and stow away the rest in a corner until my room is complete and I can come and get it.

It's all happening so fast. I went into town tonight and we went by the school. I felt myself watching it as I went by and thinking again that this wasn't reality and that I'd suddenly wake up in class while one of our math teachers was prepping us for a math test. That right now as I type that tomorrow I'll wake up and my alarm will go off and I'll get up. I'd get dressed, do my hair and makeup, wait for my bus at the end of the drive way, and another day of school will begin. That I'd walk down the halls and see people I know and go about my day as usual.

But that's not going to happen. Tomorrow will be like the last few days for me:
Get up, eat something, lounge around the house, and pack things.

Can anyone stop time because I think I could use a time stopper so I can just take everything in. Maybe even go back a few days, or weeks, or years. Then just stop the time. It's as if yesterday I was walking into the big high school staring nervously at all the lockers and people. Just yesterday I was doing Geography and Phys. Ed. Just yesterday I was meeting people I never expected to change my life as they have. And today I've graduated, I'm moving, I have great friends, and I just hope I'll stay in contact with them over the years, if just a few.

Can someone say too soon? It's too soon for all of this. Heh, I remember when I was in grade nine and I had this stupid hair cut that was such a mistake. I wore colourful clothing and no make up at all. I was shy and reserved from many people. Now I wear almost all black, wearing eyeliner, I've dyed my hair god knows how many times, and I've learned the way of straight hair. I'm not as shy as before and I don't reserve myself as much. So I should say high school has helped me become who I am today; high school and good friends...scratch that GREAT friends.

So I write this with a heavy heart as I think of how much I'm going to miss the good days. Going way back, missing the days of swings with Phil, missing the days of going around town, missing the days of thinking when will summer be here, missing the days of going to Timmies, missing the days of sleep overs and WoW nights. I'm going to miss it all.

This is Exxy and I'm going to finish this up before I start to cry.

~Exxy~

Graduation

Today was graduation day for the class of 2010 at my school. The ceremony wasn't as long as I thought it would be. I wasn't really into going at first but once I was there I got into it and I wished it could have lasted longer now. All the people I saw today I may never see again.

For four years I counted down the days til I was free from high school....now I'd turn back all four years just to relive those days. I'm going to miss them.

I almost started to cry today, I don't know if it was from the lethargic feeling I was in or really the fact that I was becoming emotional.

So in a few days I'll be moving out and starting a new life in a new place. But this time I'll be a young adult trying to find my place in this world. It all feels too good to be really true. But when I held that folder in my hand and walked down that stage back to my seat, oh god i'm starting to cry now, it all started to feel real.

I talked to Cyphale today and I'm thinking now, when will I see her physically again? I know I'll see her on WoW but when will we get together and hang out again? Tonight may be the last time I see her for a while now.

Anyways I just wanted to post something about the graduation, there's nothing really important happening tonight except me getting sleep and packing tomorrow, getting ready for Friday.

~Exxy~

2 days left

Hello all, just two more days til graduation. I'm not really excited though; just another event planned to give us our proof of passing high school but they draw it out to the point you want to just ninja out of there. Which I can't do since that would be "Disrespectful to my peers" Well I really don't care. I didn't even know half of them, and they probably didn't know who I was.

I'm in a really dark mood at the moment, I don't know when it will pass to tell the truth. They come and go at times.

I'm moving in a few days, this week to be exact. I'm starting a new life and I don't' even think I'm ready for the change that's about to take place. I feel this sick feeling in the pit of my chest and it's bothering me severely. I fear I'll never find my place in this world. I'm so indecisive about what I want to do after high school that at the moment I don't even care. I really have no care left in me really. I feel blank at times.

A few minutes ago I felt like I was becoming anti-social, like I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be left alone. I'm not too bad at the moment since I'm talking to someone but before that I just didn't even want to bother with anyone. Mostly with ppl I know online.


Well I think that's all I feel up to typing about. I'll be around.

~Exxy~

4 More Days

Hello all, not in much a good mood anymore. Finished exams today so I have four days to blow until Graduation. I don't want to go; why should I? I have no future anymore, nothing I want to chase after high school. I already tried to find something I like but each time I feel I'm shot down each time, so I'm left with nothing.

I'm tired right now, I have to get up early, and I'm just not in a great mood at the moment, I'm feeling it come back. The feeling of sinking and falling; nothing's going right anymore....


~Exxy~

5 More Days!

First exams are done now and two more to go on Friday. Finally Grad will go by and we'll be left to doing our own things for the summer. I'm moving away, friends are doing their own thing, family's planning stuff while I'm gone.

Recently I've thought of an idea for Phil and I to do; create a bucket list.

For all those people out there that have no clue what a bucket list is here's the simple answer: Its a list of things to do before we die. So far we have 32 things on the list, we want 100.

Many of it will probably never come true but hopefully at least some are checked off before too long.


Well nothing more to say really but to all those people out their graduating or have already graduated in the year 2010, congratulations and hope for the best for you and your new life; no matter how exciting or how plain it may end up being.

Don't look back, if you can, and walk forward with a new view on life. Hey we're a few years to being adults; we're young adults now but soon we'll be adults.

Anyways I'm probably going home shortly so this post will end here.

~Exxy~

6 More Days!

I'm home all day today seeing as I have no exam today. But I have one tomorrow, fml. It's math too...fml2

So i'm bored because I've got nothing to do really; everyone I know is busy and I'm in the middle of no where so I can't really walk into town; it'd be like a hike. And Phil i'll come out this weekend, ignore me from yesterday I was tired when I got home and I snapped at basically everyone I saw, my brother, my mother....yeah that's about it.

Anways that is all for today.


~Exxy~

P.S. Since my comment box doesn't work if you want to comment just post in my facebook inbox the title of the blog and what you wanted to say. This will only be possible to ppl that know me but i'll put the link up next time. Or go to my Excaliburia blog and it's there in the newest or second newest blog post.

7 More Days! And Exam Week

Yes only about a week left of school before we're free! Finally; I can't even remember how long I've been waiting and wishing it would end faster. But that day has come. This week will be full of exams, aka the 23rd and 25th for me. Then we all have to head back to school on the 29th to graduate and after that at any day I will be loading my things up and leaving.

So what am I gonna do with these few days? Will I'll most likely just come home after exams and then just lay around at home until graduation night, except for the 28th i have something planned that day. So Cyphile if you read this it's alright for the 23rd, i'll just go home after my exam; it's not you, if you want to know what pm me on Facebook.


Anyways I'm going to go wait for the bus to show up and then go outside.


~Exxy~

8 more days!

Yep I missed a day but I was in a really crappy mood and school drama isn't fun at all. Can't wait to leave this town, maybe i'll find peace in another town with old friends. Yes I've been meeting with friends from my grade school years since i'm really close to where I use to live :). I'm so happy, they're some of my true, close friends from then. I still want to keep in close contact with a few of my other friends that i've met in this town but, I don't know, I can't describe my feelings with words.

So there are only 8 more days of school, technically only two but I'm counting the four exam days and then up until graduation. I'm not counting weekends since they're not spent at school but in the confinements of my home with nothing to do; that's why I never post those days if i don't have to.

Anyways about stuff that's been going on lately. Well I've had three pre-exams so far, math and two english exams. I have another exam tomorrow which is Ancient Civilations. Then on the 21st I should see if I have another exam or not, but then after the 21st I have official exams which for me, since i have a spare, are on the 23rd and the 25th. I would have had one on the 24th but it was moved to the afternoon of the 25th.

Aside from exams, I was invited to a pool party the day before graduation day. It's at my ex boyfriend's place but his sister invited me and well i like her, she's cool. Besides it may be the last time I get to hang out with some people after I move out. Never know if I ever come back.

Then I had made a disicion for the future. In around five years, when i hopefully am living on my own with a secure job and all, I want to get another dog for Raven as companionship. I want to get a bull mastiff. They're so beautiful and great for protection too.

Well that's all for tonight, watch for me in the next few days as school grows closer and closer to a end.

~Exxy~

10 more days!

Alright I went through my old comments and I read that Cyphale wants to know when I'm moving. Well I'll be here til the weekend after I graduate from high school. Since my dad works on the week days so I'll have to wait for a weekend til I can move my stuff. So we have a few days before i'm gone.

That is all for tonight.

~Exxy~

11 more days!

Another day, and another post. Not alot to say only that I'm so gonna fail math :(. I have a crappy mark and my first exam is tomorrow and guess what it is...yes MATH. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!. Oh wow I haven't used that phraze in a while. Ugh I'm getting old. lol not really, I'm not even eighteen yet, I will be in the fall.
Anyways not alot to talk about after thinking about it for a bit.

~Exxy~

12 more days

Well ladies and gents, another weekend has flown by leaving two and a half weeks of school left on the agenda with pre-exams closing in and the big exams ready behind the front lines.

Wow, i'm making it sound like a battle...
But it is really, having to study and then find something to do after the exam that day since it's an exam a day and I have a spare first period so I don't have to even go to school that day. It's even worse with nothing to do, well I could play Zoo Tycoon 2 all day and then some Pokemon...

Anyways that's all for tonight, not much to say but I can't wait for summer to begin so I can finish the packing and moving>.<. I can see that this summer is going to be a really busy one.


~Exxy~

13 more days

Well I got the computer today. But I'm at my dad's for the weekend. And as you might have noticed I pimped out my blog so no more pink!

Anyways I'm home alone for the day so I decided to blog since no one is online being that it's school today. I tried playing pokemon on the DS but you can only do that for so long before getting tired of it.

I'm just listening to music at the moment while writing a new story to pass the time. I may be going to see an old friend today if my dad gets home from work not too late. If not then there's all summer seeing as I'm moving up.

Is it bad that I like sleeping on the couch? Haha for some reason I find it comforting and comfortable to me. In a bed it's so big and lonely but when sleeping on a couch it feels so warm and cuddly. Now that sounded totally weird, but it's true!

Well that's all for today.

~Exxy~

Quick Update

Well I got to go in five, so to everyone that reads this, Cyphale, I won't be online so much, but gotta go now!>.< Oh and sorry I wasn't at school today if i get the chance i'll tell you why Phil!.


~Exxy~

14 more days

This is a little late for a blog but i've been busy up until now.
I have a huge report due tomorrow that I don't even have finished yet plus I had a friend out til late. But this weekend, as i said in the previous blog, I won't be online as much. But tomorrow morning I'm not going to my morning class so I'll probably blog before going to my afternoon classes.
Well Three more weeks before the big moving day. And as the deadline grows nearer I feel this weird feeling in my chest and I think about how I'm going to stay in contact with everyone I know. I don't want to lose some of the poeple I've met over the years.

Well nothing much else to blog about tonight.

~Exxy~

15 more days

Well the count down continues as we draw closer and closer to exams. For many in this school it is just one of many more exams in the near future, but for us it is closing in on our end here at high school. It's Tuesday here right now and I have two more days left before I go to my dad's for a private long weekend. I'm missing Friday because I haven't been up for a while and my mom arranged it. Of course she does this nearing the time of exams when I have to be at school but whatever. Let the teachers be mad at her, could be interesting.

Today is the last day of official classes and now we're moved into exam weeks. I have a few pre-exams before the big exams that are near the very end of the month of June. Then we graduate on June the 29th. After that we're free to do as we please.

I've been thinking lately of all the things I will have to mail in to change before I leave or after I leave. Like my license that I have the addressed changed and the dog's tags. Then I have to get things insured like the car I'm suppose to get. And today in math class I actually saw what different expenses there would be for me in the future; some in the near future. Here are a few:

Well there's car insurance, pet bills, fuel expenses, repair bills for various things, and many other expenses.

Aside from all that I have three weeks to get in some serious hanging out with people I know. And if Cyphale reads this could she please comment or email me if you want to hang out because this summer's gonna be a busy one. We should hang out damn it!

Well that's all for today, won't be here during the weekend or if I am on it will be brief little updates. And Thursday will probably either be early morning or not made because I'm leaving then.


~Exxy~

Mistake! still 16 days!

Yes I made a mistake last night and found out there are still sixteen days left. Oh well, just one extra day til count down is over.
Anyways i've been...i've been...what the fuck is raven doing.....
ALRIGHT back on topic! I've been doing little in the past few days but today I hung out with a few friends and talked alot. And i thought a bit about the years before and how I miss them alot and OH my internet came back on! Now for some Bon Jovi. Alright as I was saying, well basically the early years were awesome and these present years are good because of the technology we have now that we didn't have then.
Anyways not much for tonight really, so i'm just going to end it here and do other things.

~Exxy~

16 more days

Alright my last post said that I was waiting for disappointment. Well tonight I will tell you that I had a blast yesterday. I went and rode for an hour and after I felt so happy that I had come back but as I left I realized that would be the last time for a long time that I would get to see that barn and those people. Especially my riding coach that had taught me for almost five years. I remember all the times that I rode there and the horses that I rode. I remember the first horse I had ever ridden there, the first horse that I was introduced to; Ara. She was also the last horse I've owned up to date. Then there was Brie who I didn't hit off too well with when I did ride her. She's passed on last summer after we gave her and Ara away. Next was Tempest the sweetest mare I've ever met. I rode her for a bit before I grew confident enough for another horse after a fall. She passed a few years ago, I think the last year I rode there until yesterday. Next was Sheldon who I learned to jump on and then Azzie who I went I think two or three feet on. I rode a horse named Starsky and once or twice on this paint dun. Yesterday I rode on my favourite arabian mare, Lucy.
So now I'm sore but it's alright, the pain keeps me remembering until the pain is gone and all I have left is what's in my mind.
Anyways tomorrow I go back to school for a four day week since I won't be there on Friday; Going to my dad's Thursday night.

~Exxy~

17 more days

And the count down continues.

So lately I've been trying to get a last lesson for riding but it keeps failing on me some how and some way. Well this is the third attempt since this whole week has been sort of shitty to me. Rain and stuff. Well I'm feeling the confidence going slowly with each cancellation and thinking I'll never get to go before I leave.

Well it's a Saturday here and at the moment the sun is trying it's hardest to peak out from within the over cast clouds.

At this moment I have found my boots and helmet, after great search and rescue, and I will be severely pissed if the weather ruins it again for me because I nearly had a heart attack looking for my old equipment.

It's 7:40 am now and I'm waiting for my grandfather to come back so he can take me, saying that I can still go.

I still have to get dressed really. Maybe this lethargic mood is summoned from the fact that I'm still waiting for a call saying I can't go. Thinking that if I get up and actually get ready before the set time that I will have gotten prepared for nothing. So I sit here and type to all of you while waiting for the bad news to ruin the rest of my weekend. But that's the way I am, pessemesstic to the extreme. If I feel that failure is coming upon me or people I know I get the sense that nothing I do can change the fact of failure engulfing me in a tidal wave of misery.

Wow, I'm really sounding emo...no offence to the words. But I notice when I'm sad I use huge ass words that no one can understand. Heh maybe if I'm depressed all the time I could pass math! Haha what a thought.

Washed Rave last night since he decided to lay in a hill of red ants and they decided to cast revenge on him.

Yesterday I was at a funeral so I didn't go to school and let me tell you; I almost started to cry. I actually had to look up at the ceiling to hold it together and then I just covered my face with my hair briefly before thinking it was disrespectful and pulled it away from my face. I get pretty emotional at funerals; even if I didn't truly know the person, just briefly met them.

Anyways before we went to the funeral we had to go to an eye appointment for my brother and then we had time to kill so we went to A & W for lunch with my cousin, aunt, mom and brother before going to the mall. My mom gave me her cell and let us wander through the shittiest mall I have ever been in. NO MUSIC STORE! I can't believe it. They had tons of freakin' girly girl stores but no stores to satisfy my personality. So we found a pet store, looked at Haltis for Raven and then found a book store where I found The Heroin Diaries! I got it and I'm so happy I got it. The album was good and I had seen the book before so this time I got it. It's about Nikki Sixx and the diary and journal entries he had written from one year in the 80's. It's pretty amazing of a read you should pick it up some time.

Well I think I've gone on long enough since it's 7:50 am, around ten minutes of typing. So I better go wait for the call that will dampen my mood this weekend and kill my spirits.

~Exxy~

18 More

Hello again, well I was thinking and thought up the idea to count down the school days, not including weekends, to when I move with little things I still have to do. Well for once I have to seal up boxes soon and collect some of my stuff from friends and return things I've borrowed. Also I have to read some books I'm borrowing from family and give them back real soon. Ugh all this planning is a pain in my butt.

Anyways it's pretty late and I have to get up early this morning; seven actually. That'll be fun; wait I do that every day. Haha not for long I tell you. Can't wait for that really. But then in September I'm repeating my last year at a new school with new people; uber fun I say.

So that's all from Exxy for now. May the countdown continue.

~Exxy~

A New Beginning

Here's to a new beginning....that starts in 27 days. But anyways I thought I'd put one of my lonely blogs to good use, so Exxy's Corner is no more and now we have Exxy's New Beginning. Here, as I have said numerous times on my blog, is where I will put everything that happens to me from the day I graduate and on. So be looking out for me in 27 days.

~Exxy~